god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
