Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
