My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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