I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
