i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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