Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
