We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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