Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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