I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We have started to decorate penises.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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