I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish my penis had a tongue
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
