I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
