party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
