This is not my ceiling
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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