From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
