im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
