Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
