OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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