I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
