My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
