moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
