You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
