evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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