shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
