we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't deserve a penis
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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