Im at strip club and am horny
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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