Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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