Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
