The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
