i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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