Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
