Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
