I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
