i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
