How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
