so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
