Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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