6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
