my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
