Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
