just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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