So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
