how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
