Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Couch. On fire.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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