my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
