You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
