why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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