If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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