____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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