That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
