From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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