you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
