Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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