i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
