she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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