mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
