google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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