a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
