the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
