Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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