it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize