eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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