Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
