Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
