I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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