How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
