I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
