you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
