in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
