I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
