I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
