I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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