Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
