We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
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