I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
