Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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