Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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